


The Moon And His Stars

by mandosblaster



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:00:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23883406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mandosblaster/pseuds/mandosblaster
Summary: It had been a week since Sirius went on the run and Remus joined him; it didn't take long for Remus to notice all the heartbreaking ways Sirius had changed.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 32





	The Moon And His Stars

**Author's Note:**

> This is kinda (really-ish) angsty, but I was feelin' some type of way and was inspired to write this. So, I hope you enjoy!  
> Also, this loosely follows canon events.

It had been a week since Sirius was back, and Remus was flooded with a mixture of joy and guilt.

He was, of course, glad that his best friend was back, but he couldn't help but notice how the once energetic boy who would run with him on full moons had changed. And  it didn’t take long for Remus to notice the difference, either. Of course, Remus didn’t blame him -- Sirius had been in Azkaban for far too long, especially given the fact that he shouldn't have even been there in the first place . And, from what Remus knew (which wasn't much) Azkaban was _horrid_ ; far worse than what he heard Muggle prisons were like. 

What he did know was that Azkaban was heavily guarded by Dementors, all of them sucking up any ounce of hope from the prisoners' minds. Anyone would have gone mad from the Dementors’ torture not even a year after being there, yet Sirius had endured  _ 12 _ years, locked up for a crime he never would have even thought to commit. 

And each time Remus thought of his friend’s torment, he couldn’t help but feel a twinge of guilt. Had he believed that Sirius was as innocent as he claimed, the two would have caught Pettigrew  _ years  _ ago. They would have been able to raise Harry together and keep him safe in case Voldemort ever came back (which, evidently, the Dark Lord was very much so on the rise again). 

Or, even if Dumbledore  _ still _ wouldn’t have allowed the two to raise Harry, they would have been  together . Broken and haunted -- cause how could someone _not_ be after such a tragedy? -- but _together._

But that’s not how it turned out and Remus would feel guilty about that until the day he died. 

Even now with Sirius in the next room over, snoring lightly in his Animagus form, Remus’ heart clenched tightly over the “could’ve been’s” that streamed through his guilt riddled mind. Just how much had Azkaban broken his best friend? 

A yawn moments later pulled Remus from his millions of thoughts and he looked up to see Sirius making his way to the couch. Remaining in his dog form, Sirius stretched out -- taking up the remainder of the cushions -- and laid his head on Remus’ lap. The action seemed to be a comforting gesture; one that Remus very much needed, but didn’t feel as though he deserved. 

“You must have sensed how I’ve been feeling,” Remus muttered as he stroked Padfoot’s fur. The latter gave a whine in response and Remus felt a twinge in his heart yet again. 

“I’m not the one who deserves comforting, mate.” Padfoot let out a sigh. “Oh, come on, Pads; let me talk to you. Please.” With another sigh (more of a humph, really) Sirius sat up and transformed out of his Animagus form. He slumped tiredly onto the other end of the couch. 

“What is it?” Sirius questioned, his tone full of annoyance but his eyes showing the full extent of his worry. 

“I’m worried about you,” Remus said in a soft manner that reminded Sirius of how quiet the boy in front of him had been when they first met.

“I would prefer to not talk about  _ that _ , thank you very much,” Sirius responded curtly.

“Sirius, please. I want to understand what you went through -- what I  _ caused _ you to go through.” Remus rushed out, deciding it was best to not beat around the bush.

At his words, Sirius visibly flinched and Remus nearly regretted saying anything. 

“What you caused,” he muttered. Remus stayed silent, expecting an outburst of yells and curses hurled at him; it’s what he felt he deserved, even though it would be a lesser punishment than what he  _ should _ get from his friend. Instead, he got the opposite.

“I missed you every day,” Sirius admitted quietly. “Every blasted day for 12 years straight. I thought of you and James and Lily when we were all back in Hogwarts; of the way I used to adore shy, little Peter before he ruined everything and betrayed his friends; of how one day you would realize I was innocent and come rescue me. But that final thought never became a reality.” 

Remus didn't speak; he didn't feel like he _could_. 

“You left me there to rot while the world slowly forgot the man I  _ really _ was.” 

Remus felt a lump form in his throat. He opened his mouth to say something, _anything_ ,  “Sirius, I--”

“I don’t need an excuse or an apology, Moony,” Sirius said with a defeated sigh. His form visibly deflated, the weight of their conversation slowly becoming too much.

“But what I did, or, rather, didn't do, it was--”

“Terrible -- horrendous, even -- but," he sighed, contemplating what he wanted to deem Remus' misdeed. "A mistake," he said at last, much to Remus' surprise.  "A mistake that, albeit, cost me a good chunk of my life, but a mistake nonetheless. During the war, we had all made disastrous mistakes.” Remus fixed Sirius with a confused look. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I was not the only one who was believed to have betrayed James and Lily. For a while, we -- well, mainly I -- believed the traitor amongst us had been you.” Remus once again was rendered speechless.

Was that why his friends had stopped talking to him? Why he frequented seeing them together, laughing and joking, without him? Why the man he had grown to love had fixed him with a look of disdain whenever their paths crossed?

“Oh,” was all Remus could muster. He had, at first, wanted to curse out Sirius, but how could he? How could he  _ really _ get mad when he had done the same thing to Sirius in the end, but in a way that resulted in a much worse fate? Maybe it was the full moon nearing that was making him too tired to genuinely react, or perhaps it was the broken way Sirius sat in front of him, an image of what falsely accused betrayal had done to his friend, but Remus simply couldn't find it in himself to be upset.

“Oh?” Sirius replied dumbly, not quite expecting that reaction from Remus.

“Yeah. Oh.” Remus sighed and fixed a soft look on Sirius. “Usually I would be hurt -- potentially furious, even -- but I'm simply not. Maybe it's due to the full moon, but realistically, full moon or not, your disbelief in me should come as no shock given I so quickly disbelieved  _ your _ innocence.” Sirius let out a sigh of relief -- one that Remus noticed -- and eased himself into the couch a little. 

“But, Sirius…" Remus began, already dreading asking what he wanted to. "What happened to you there? I know that’s the worst question to ask, especially now with yet another war looming in front of us, but I hate seeing you so tortured. What did they do to you?” Remus asked quietly. He cursed himself mentally for asking such questions, but he was worried.

"Being there doesn't just hurt you, it _changes_ you. Having the Dementors present, day in and day out, is like having Death cosy up in your chest. Even now, I still feel that dark presence in my heart. So that difference you notice; it's because I’ve been scarred beyond repair," he gave a humourless laugh. "I’m not quite the mischievous boy you remember. That place ruined me.” Sirius shuddered as he thought of being there -- of ever being caught and having to go _back_.

Remus, not quite sure, yet, of what to say, reached out his long fingers and pulled Sirius against him, the two now holding each other in a slightly awkward embrace. 

“You’re not  _ all _ ruined,” Remus said with a smile. “You escaped the bloody place all by yourself, did you not? That was your speciality at Hogwarts; coming up with disastrous plans to get us out of the castle at night. And if there’s one thing Sirius Black is known for, other than your  _ charming _ personality, it’s your knack for getting out of any situation with the help from a bit of mischief.” Sirius chuckled against Remus’ shoulder but it was a dry laugh that didn’t hold the life it once did. Remus’ heart ached. 

“You, on the other hand, haven’t changed much,” Sirius said, purposefully changing the topic as he pulled away from the hug; Remus had to resist the urge to pull him back. 

“Well, the me you see now is much different from who I was before you were back,” Remus explained with a small smile. “What I went through pales in comparison to what you had to face, but life couldn’t simply  _ go on _ after everything that happened. I was alone and my best friends were either dead or imprisoned. And, well, all that stress and loss put me through perhaps the worst transformations I've ever had to face.”

"I'm sorry, Moony," Sirius said genuinely. 

"It's not your fault, Pads," Remus responded.

There was a long beat of silence between the two as Sirius thought of how horrible it must have been for Remus to go through those transitions alone. But before Sirius could say anything else on the matter, Remus beat him to it. He wanted to make sure Sirius knew he felt that things could be okay between them again. 

He spoke with a soft tone, his words breathing a bit of warmth back into Sirius, “what matters is you’re back. Despite my immediate disbelief in you, you came back to me, and I’m grateful for that.”

“I would always come back to you, you know that,” Sirius said quietly, a small smile finding its way onto his face. As soon as the words left Sirius’ mouth, the two felt like 5th years all over again; in love and just a bit more whole.

“I never did get to say it, cause  _ someone _ interrupted me,” Remus said with a playful grin on his face. Sirius rolled his eyes. “But I am sorry.”

Sirius smiled and pulled Remus into another -- more proper -- hug.

“You said it yourself, what matters is that I’m back. I’ve got my fair share of demons but I think, eventually, I'll be okay,” Sirius replied honestly, his breath tickling the back of Remus’ neck ever so slightly. 

As they pulled out of their hug, Remus brushed a ghost of a kiss over Sirius’ lips. Sirius smiled.

“Don’t play with me like that, Moony. Kiss me like you mean it,” Sirius said playfully. Remus smiled and didn’t hesitate to kiss him with the full weight of his yearning and longing. 

The kiss sent them back to simpler times when they were younger. When the most they had to worry about was not losing points for their house, and making sure Snape wasn't getting _too_ cosy with Lily (James had not only been a hopeless idiot, but a hopelessly _in love_ idiot). 

But being that close to each other again after too much time apart breathed some life back into the pair. It made the weight of what their lives had become melt away for a split second because what mattered was that they were reunited. 

The moon and his stars.

To his own dismay, Remus was first to pull away, but he stayed close and rested his forehead on Sirius’. Their lips were puffy and their eyes were a bit damp from the overwhelming emotion that engulfed them, but they were smiling. 

“I’ve missed you, Pads,” Remus whispered.

“Yeah, yeah. You’ve gone too soft on me, Moony,” Sirius said through an obvious joking smile. “I missed you too,” he whispered back. It was something he had already admitted but felt needed saying again. He would never forget how much he missed Remus during those 12 years, and he probably would never admit just how bad it had gotten without his other half by his side.

But for now, they were together, so Sirius wouldn't have to miss him, and neither would Remus have to long for his stars. And while they would remain broken and chipped they felt a bit more whole and a bit less alone.

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first wolfstar fic, so please leave comments and suggestions :)  
> And thank you for reading!


End file.
